This review should come with a warning: This review is risque! It may contain comments that may offend! Please do not read on if you are confronted by sexual references!

I heard there was a study which indicates that your lover, in particular, us males of the species, is determined somewhat by the career we choose. In other words, the habits we pick up from our career often relate in the bedroom.

This has gotten me thinking about all of the careers, which surround Real Estate. And, how the habits of these professions translate into lovemaking:

Real Estate Salesperson: is trained to estimate his performance prior to entering into any contract. Unfortunately, real estate agents rarely live up to their estimated selling price and have a habit of under quoting. Most importantly, even during the courting stage, a salesman is anxious to finish.

Real Estate Property Managers: Often the best of the bunch. Property managers are anxious to satisfy all parties, however often are caught in a lovers triangle with the landlord and the tenant.

Auctioneers: The charismatic, best dressed and often best looking of the tribe. The goal is to have everything finished in seven to ten minutes. And, the concepts of one, two and three, are prevalent in their community. Their one saving grace is they always have their gavel in their hand.

Solicitors: Always looking for a second opinion. Solicitors need to call on their mates before they will make a decision, and even when they make a decision, they cannot make a conclusive decision. Solicitors will normally send you a disclosure, and ask for something in trust, before they will start to perform. What is said about solicitors? The difference between solicitors and prostitutes is that solicitors will keep on screwing you after you pay them!

Finance Brokers: Finance brokers are always wanting to know where to place it. Even when they know where to place it, they are still conditional.

Conveyancers: Meant to be different from solicitors but are still very similar. Conveyancers are focused on two goals: Exchange and completion.

Valuer: Great selection. Always happy to give whatever if necessary, if there is a reward.

I wouldn’t engage with anyone from the property industry. A rush to finish, indecisive, or too happy to keep anyone else happy. If I were you, I’d stick to tradesmen. An electrician who raises a spark, a plumber who looks after your pipes, or a simple carpenter who is interested in tongue grooves, seems a far better choice.

If this review has caused you to laugh, it has achieved its outcome. We laugh too little in this industry, which is so serious. We trade property, but trade stress far too often. Enjoy yourself whilst working in one of the luckiest industries in the world. Property is one-eighth of Australia’s economy and therefore opens many doors. We are given the privilege of going into people’s homes and doing things, which can and will create a better life for those we assist. Now smile and appreciate the stress.